Monday, May 18, 2015

Mind over matter


Mind over matter, is what they say.... yet, the matter of turning 40 is all too real.  So, for some much needed self-therapy, God and I spent an afternoon pondering what 40 years under His wing has shown:

It's not about status or being favored by others.

It's not about what I've done or where I've gone.

It's not about what I've accomplished or where I've exceeded.

It's not about knowing the right people or being recognized amongst a crowd.

It's not about excelling at a goal or fulfilling a dream.

It's not about being happy or even being comfortable.

It's not about being strong or experiencing self-empowerment.

it's not about my reputation or the consumption of what others think of me.

It's not about my failures or my successes.

It's not about receiving my needs or fulfilling my own desires....


The KEY to joy and the doorway to life is knowing Jesus.  Knowing I can crawl my exhausted and tired bones into His arms each day;

With all my failures, hopes, concerns, desires, fears, unmet needs, deep-seeded insecurities, joy's, wounds, hurts, habits, addictions, grief and all of me... knowing it's not through my good works I'm loved and received by Him- no, they're all like dirty rags.

He's after my heart.  He's after the true, sincere, raw, real me- the one He created perfectly beautiful in His sight.  Nothing is unseen by Him and nothing gives Him greater pleasure than when I peel the deceitful mask off my fearful face and allow Him to pour His life-giving water into the parched and deserted areas of my soul.

It's here I experience an all-consuming tenderness, a kindness, a compassion that engulfs every gap, hunger & piece of shattered brokenness within.  It's the kind of 'knowing' when John, in the bible, refers to Himself as the one-whom-Jesus-loves."  My identity is now living in the confidence that I, too, am one whom Jesus loves.

Knowing Jesus dismantles the counterfeit gods my heart once beat for.
Knowing Jesus plants seeds of truth into the toxic lie of living life for anything but Him.
Knowing Jesus ushers in right order in this short and fragile life.
Knowing Jesus floods in an all-consuming, healing light into the darkest corners of my heart.
Knowing Jesus flows joy into the areas held captive to anxiety, depression and confusion.
knowing Jesus, I possess the key, the hope, the remedy, the cure, the way, the truth, the life of each and every broken area this world contains.  Yes, He indeed is the answer to ALL the brokenness we consume and experience and see in this dark and fallen world.  HE IS IT- the only perfect source of wholeness and fulfillment every human heart thirsts for.

And while I process over the goodness and undeserved love of God in my life over this 40 year span, I inherently recognize, other than God Himself, no goal, or dream, or place, or person, or feeling, or desire will come before loving the four most beautiful gifts God has given me in this perfectly imperfect family.

While often looking like the circus came to town- they in an instant reveal God's wisdom & sweetness & grace & forgiveness & tenderness & kindness more than anything I have tangibly encountered in my life.

Loving my family goes beyond a feeling.  It's a choice. A choice of proving to them, in the safety of their hearts, they know that nothing will come before their own emotional, physical or spiritual needs. I no longer sit in the pit of fear of parenting wrong, loving improperly, or messing up this thing called mommy-hood, simply because I will.  I have. I've gotten it wrong.
I love improperly.  I mess things up.  I get it wrong.  But God, yes God, will and does over-ride each and every broken mama moment.  It's through my weakness His power is made perfect.  

It's taken 40 years to comprehend, to the best of my ability, the purpose and meaning of my life.   And as 2Corinthians so perfectly states... my goal is to please Him.  Yes, more of You Lord, and so much less of me.









7 comments:

  1. I am so glad you started a blog!!!! Blessings to you, dear Joy!!! <3

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    1. Moni, can you send me your blog link? I'd like to post it on here. God has gifted you with His spirit through the pen. ️xojoy

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  2. So grateful you shared these words. Love, D

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  3. So grateful for you D. You encourage me in all facets of life- motherhood, wife-hood & friendship.

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  4. Beautiful words of encouragement

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    1. Thank you Dawn. You, as well, are a source of encouragement to me!

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  5. These words still sing of encouragement as I ponder my 40 years!!! Xo, D

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