Yep, it was hot last night! A 90 degree Michigan summer evening on the back porch with the family eating dinner.
And just as the thought flooded through my head how perfect this moment, this weather, this meal, this company, this conversation was, my middle child shares he once had heard from a movie that eating peanut butter filled in the cracks of his heart.
So, he ate and ate it every day to fill in the aching cracks of his hurting heart- for years he disclosed wtih me.
Why? Because a movie told him so.... and he believed it!
He shared at first he thought it worked, which is why he ate more and more with each passing day. Only to shockingly and devastatingly realize the peanut butter never reached his little hungry heart.
In this moment, I was trapped between two intense emotions of wanting to weep over his cracked heart and questioning my own failure at parenting him.
Unfortunately, it's the cracks in our heart that often drive our decision making, our choices, our thoughts, our feelings- I quietly thought while sitting across the table from my son.
It's the cracks in our heart that fling us into the web of a destructive and toxic relationship, or compulsive shopping, or over-eating, or obsessive perfectionism, or substance addiction, or workaholism, or addictive porn, or passive-aggressive controlling ways, or codependency, or stinkin thinkin.... the choice is ours and they are ripe for the picking, unfortunately,
But could it be, this crack in our heart, was inherently sown there by God who desired to be the peanut butter?
To be the remedy to the breached heart?
To be the glue that makes the heart whole?
To be the stitch that binds the broken heart back together?
Could it be, we've given into the enemy's lie and believed peanut butter could fill in the cracks, all the while we have access to the Only One who can actually fill and make us whole, set us free, heal the internal brokenness, eradicate the soul sickness, and release the negative strongholds?
I also wonder had my boy, Shea, never experienced a crack-in-the-heart, he'd never been on the search for a sticky substance to put his heart back together.
Than the deep truth surfaced in my thoughts... the inherent need to be whole is a gift from God.
It's His fingerprint on our hearts saying "Seek me and I will be the only and final peanut butter you will ever need."
Traverse City last week oozed with opportunities to sample anything cherry and I was glued to a booth that offered free samples of cherry flavored peanut butter.
Some containing remnants of juicy cherries, while others with honey, cinnamon and cherry.
The diverstiy of the flavors made my mouth water and my heart happy!
Interesting, isn't it, that this world offers faulty remedy's to the cracks in our heart- different flavors of peanut butter all representing deceiving counterfeit coping capabilities and skills, while the world insists there's an answer to the internal brokenness outside of God.
Just do that.
Just one more time.
And so we take our 'just' in the form of a peanut butter jar and consume it each time the ache in the heart presents itself.
A spoonful here.
A spoonful there.
Only to lick our peanut butter coated lips and look up recognizing we are worse off before we swallowed it.
Before we believed the lie of the enemy.
Before we looked for an outside substance, person, place, thing, food, to fill in the cracks of the heart.
The truth, none of it has the ingredients to permanently, indefinitely, perfectly fill in the cracks. Not one. Which is why many people live an entire lifetime consumed with finding and obtaining the peanut butter that will finally make them whole. Unfortunately, to no avail.
As my dinner grows increasingly cold and my thoughts grow increasingly in number, Shea's raspy pre-teen voice abruptly cuts into my pondering....
"But a couple years ago, mom, Jesus told me He was my peanut butter."
As he went back to eating his dinner with a content and satisfied smile across his precious freckled face, I too experienced this in the reservoir of my heart.
Nothing satisfies the soul better than truth out of the overflow of a child's heart.