These writings are for the imperfect person searching for more of the Perfect God.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Be your own kind of beautiful

Being diagnosed with scoliosis did something to me. 

It changed me. It lied to me. It distorted my confidence, messed with my worth, injured my value.  

I no longer looked into my full length pink glittered edged bedroom mirror at my young twelve year old body and felt pretty.  The reflection I now saw was "You're flawed. You're imperfect.  You're different. You're abnormal.  You're not enough."  It spoke boldly, loudly and directly like a scratched record player in the central control tower of my thoughts.

And the odd thing? I believed this crazy talk. These lies, these half truths, this twisted abusive language.  Yep, everyone of them I clung to as if they were now a part of my body. A piece of who I was.  Regardless of the amount of accolades and truth messages I'd receive from those around me, the lies always buried the truths.

But then there's my daughter. I've been in absolute awe of her since that moment on a cold day in March when my eyes locked with hers for the very first time.  

Gently unwrapping the pink and blue hospital striped cotton blanket tightly fitted around her sweet little body, the tears began to drop, one by one, from my new mama eyes.  The perfection, the beauty, the masterpiece of what God had hand stitched in my womb was too overwhelming for my human heart to handle.  To wrap my head around. 

I was completely mesmerized at the sight of her perfectly made little toes, her delicate ten tiny fingers, her teeny sweet button nose and her crystal clear caribbean blue eyes. I had never laid eyes on such perfection in my entire life and I was fully convinced I had just sampled a taste of heaven.
Each day, each month, each year, each decade which passes by, I'm equally as mesmerized as I was the day she was born.  I find her exceptionally beautiful in every minor to major, and everything in between, way. I'm continually delighted and amazed at God's matchless beauty which He has completed in and through her. 

And so, yesterday, when an x-ray was taken of her spine; and she too was diagnosed with scoliosis, my heart experienced something it had never quite experienced before. Something I never saw coming.  Something that pulled off the final and deepest layer of the lie I believed since twelve years of age.  

Something as wonderfully, perfectly, flawlessly and unequivocally beautiful, as my daughter, also had the stamp of scoliosis.  And as much as God has radically healed my heart over the last number of years; nothing has showed me greater precision into the depth of the enemies twisted lies, quite like yesterday. 

It's as if God wrapped his warm protective hands around my face yesterday, tilted it up, and looked straight into my eyes and whispered  "I see you as you see your daughter." 


"You see me as I see my priceless, delicate, beautiful, flawless, treasured masterpiece of a daughter?" I thought to myself. 

"Can't be. No way. What about my fearful heart? What about my insecurities? What about my self loathing? My scoliosis diagnosis?"

"Yes," He said, "Because it's My beauty in you that far outweighs all your inner weaknesses.  You, precious one, are My masterpiece."

We are indeed His masterpiece, aren't we? Put together with the finest of details. By the worlds most talented Artist.  Nothing left undone. Nothing left unspoken. Nothing by mistake.  We are beautiful, not because of what the latest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine standards claim beauty should be, could be, ought to be, must be; but by the Creator, the Artist, the Author of both heaven and earth who proudly claims who. we. are.  

Every curve, every bump, every shape, every quirk, every color, every size, every difference, every uniqueness in you, in me, in our daughters; are wonderfully, perfectly, spectacularly and delightfully beautiful.  

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