These writings are for the imperfect person searching for more of the Perfect God.

Monday, September 25, 2017

Confessions of a recovering helicopter mom

Dear children of mine,

I have an innate desire to protect you from any and all opposing forces that may come your way in this messy life you are venturing into.  And, let me just put this out there;  whoever shared the parenting advise, while two of you were knee deep in diapers & one fresh into kindergarten, that it gets easier-- they were wrong. Dead wrong. 

Every moment, every day, every week, every month, every year, every decade- botanical growth is being developed, and not just in your precious lil bones, but in the spiritual, mental and emotional places of the heart.

"Growing pains hurt," I remember repetitively whispering in your impressionable ears as I rubbed those aching legs and wiped those crocodile tears, night after night. 

But what I didn't know, was that I, too, was experiencing growing pains along side you. Pains which God was rubbing out within my own heart, night after night, all while whispering far into the roots of my mama soul-"growing pains hurt" as He gently wiped away every. single. tear.

You see, the growing pains I was experiencing, as your mom, was stemmed from deeply rooted fear.  Fear which fed the inclination to manipulate the system.  To get you in the right classroom with the best teacher.  On the winning team with the brightest future.  In the right peer group with the stand-up reputation.

But I'd forgotten. 

I'd forgotten it's not when you're on the mountain top of academic success, or the peek of popularity, or the summit of athletic victory where you'll find triumph. Where you'll obtain purpose.  Where you'll receive character.  Where you'll adopt compassion. Where you'll experience gratitude. 

No, in fact, it's when you're on the losing team.  When you're sitting in the difficult classroom.  When you're rejected by your peers-- this is where you'll find endurance.  Wholeness.  Empathy.  Love.  You will experience, first hand, an inner God-woven muscle deep within the heart, which can only be developed, only be matured, only be grown, only be fostered in such an environment, in such an atmosphere, in such a place as heartache, loss, disappointment, rejection, humiliation, defeat.

And this, my sweet child, this particular muscle developed in the hard-times, is the very muscle that will eventually place your soon-to-be strong, steady, equipped, empathic, kind, loyal and loving heart on the path towards life. The intricately, purposefully and personably designed path; freshly tilted, perfectly paved and hand designed specifically for you to walk in and serve your purpose in this generation (Acts 13:36.)

"When we run into problems and trials, we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope." (Romans 5:3-4.)

It's in the fire where gold is purified.  Where impurities are stirred, skimmed and stripped.  Where pure gold is set-apart from other medals and imperfections- resulting in you, precious one, being clothed and saturated in His wisdom, His strength, His beauty and His love.  (Proverbs 3:15.)

The fire, whether it arrives in the form of being on a repetitively losing team or a season of deep rejection from those who don't see and understand your heart, is a gift from Your Perfect Father.  Setting you apart, He purifies the heart within and gently leads you into your unfathomable, incomprehensible, unimaginable, inconceivable future.  God has called you for a specific calling, for a specific destination, for a specific purpose.  And let me just say, it is good.

Oh, but the pain of witnessing you fall. fail. Rejected. Disrespected. Ignored. It's seems too difficult for this heart to endure.

But, again, I've forgotten.

I'm not your ultimate parent.  He is.  He's simply chosen me to care and shepherd and teach and instruct and love and provide for his precious one's.  It's a lack of trust in my Perfect, Holy, Good and kind Father when I forget to Whom you really belong.  A Father who will never forsake you.  Never reject you.  Never leave you.  Never betray you.  Never hurt you. Never injure you.  Never forget you.  Never deny you. Never deceive you.  


He leaves the ninety-nine to find you. (Matt 18:12) You, sweet one.  Yes, you who's experiencing disappointment, feeling rejection, tasting defeat.  You.  And it's only here; in the fire, in the battle, in the loss, in the difficulties where endurance, strength, character and hope for the very purpose of your life, in this generation, will be found.

I love you,  Mom.

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