These writings are for the imperfect person searching for more of the Perfect God.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

I need me some confidence!

I’m fully convinced satan’s after just one thing in my life above all else— above my marriage, above my children, above my family, above my faith, above my belief..

Oh yes, he’s after my confidence.

Because if he can swipe my confidence, he’s stolen my purpose. If he can steal my confidence, he’s hijacked my identity. If he can remove my confidence, all those God sized dreams hand planted deep within my soul—you know the ones—the specific hopes for our babies, our family, ourselves... well, they’ll eventually die.

And so he viscously attacks our gifts, convincing our heart they're really not gifts at all. Then he attacks our talents and tells us we really don’t have any. Then attacks our worth and tells us it’s just best to sit this one out.

But he knows we crave approval— and so he’ll seek to use any willing innocent victim to be his mouthpiece, his spokesperson.

And there’s never a shortage of willing vessels .

It was three nights ago when I woke up in a strange panic. Sweat oozing out of every pour as I leaped out of bed and began pacing back & forth in my kitchen. What had I done? I repeated out loud in the dark kitchen air. A book? Really? Who am I to think I have the ability, and the audacity, to share God’s love with others by means of a book? It’s stupid. It’s silly. It’s lacking. It’s shallow. It’s small. It’s wordy. It’s sloppy...
I repeatedly heard being hollered both directly and effectively, over & over & over & over. The voice was piercing and the message—well, chillingly convincing. And truthfully, I have yet to fully recover from it.

If you’ve found yourself in a season of being pounced on relentlessly by satan, May I suggest you’re on the brink of a God sized purpose?

Because, satan’s perfectly fine with us going to weekly church, attending frequent Bible studies; heck, even leading them... But the minute we actually step foot into the very calling God pre-designed on our life—a calling requiring fierce courage, a calling insisting on steadfast faith, a calling demanding immovable boldness, a calling involving unshakeable sureness, a calling demanding immeasurable hope—satan quickly slithers right in the scene dispelling debilitating + paralyzing venom as any lethal snake would do.

But we’re onto this snake.

Yes, we’re onto your twisted deceptions, your devious lies, your crafty whispers. We’re onto the knowing you seek nothing more then to rattle the sure foundation of our confident hope in order to prevent us from pursuing, advancing, obtaining.

But I’m here to quickly, firmly and unflinchingly share with you that what you’ve failed to remember, satan, is that no purpose of God will. be. thwarted.
(job 42:2.)

So listen up satan...

Psalm 23:4- “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you, God, are with me...”

Col 2:15- “in this way Jesus disarmed the spiritual ruler & authority. He shamed him publicly by His victory on the cross.”

Luke 10:19- “I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you.”

Romans 8:38- “And I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angel or demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, nieither height nor depth, neither anything else in creation will separate us from the love of God...”

1 John 4:4- “You have already won the victory, because the Spirit who is in you is greater than he who is in the world."

And this, right here, in this place, at this time, in this moment friends —we drop the mic. We lift our heads.  And we, “Run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer & perfecter of our faith.”

So, “I keep on praying, asking God to enable me to live a life worthy of His call. May He give me the power to accomplish all the good things my faith prompts me to do.”
2 Thessalonians 1.11

Friday, May 11, 2018

A letter to the first-born

Driving down Elizabeth Lake rd. on a cold February 2001 afternoon, I heard our song, Faithy. You were tightly securely enveloped within the dark confinement of my womb, as my right hand stroked the large belly now squeezed between the Jeeps drivers seat & its worn down leather steering wheel.

Do you remember it honey? I sang right along with lee Ann Womak as she & I harmoniously belted out at the top of our lungs....

“Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens. 🎵
🎵Promise me that you’ll give FAITH a fighting chance.
🎵And when you get a chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.

Dropping like a turbulent hail storm right onto my growing belly, the tears bounced one by one by one by one.

I wanted nothing more than for you, sweetheart, to give yourself a fighting chance. For you, Faith, to know that when one door closes, there’s always another just waiting to be opened.  And when you, Faith, have an opportunity to sit it out or dance... sweet one, I so badly want you to dance.

And then on that cold March 14th day when you breathed that very first breath, I gently whispered into those tiny perfectly delicately & wonderfully crafted ears....“🎵Give faith a fighting chance. Look for that open door. When you get a chance to sit it out or dance... dance sweet one. Oh, please dance.🎵

And so you did. Round & around & around you went in your jasmine princess dress in the middle of your yellow and pink starred bedroom each night. And with each passing twirl you’d peer up through your thick blond strands of hair just to make sure I was watching. “Look mommy, I’m dancing!” you’d delightfully sing as you spun that purple jasmine gown like a true princess should undoubtedly do.

But with each new twirl, each new year, each new milestone, the uninhibited unrestricted unconstrained dancing slowly decreased as your big blue eyes, yet once again, peered through those thick blond strands up at me.

Yet it was this time I heard your watching eyes question, “Are you dancing too, mommy?” “Are you looking for that open door after one has been closed, mommy? Are you, mommy, giving your faith a fighting chance? Are you, mommy, going to sit this one out, or are you going to dance with me?”

Because I’m watching mommy.

“I want to love how you love mom. I want to dance how you dance mom. I want to have faith like you have mom. I want to hope like you hope mom.”

Because what I didn’t realize, sweetheart, is that as much as I longed for you to embrace these words as your immoveable truth, as your steadfast reality, as your unshakeable anchor— 

they first had to be mine.

And so you, precious one, it was you who taught me to look with an expectant heart for an open door. It was you who taught me to give faith a fighting chance. It was you who reached out with your sweet little hand glittered with hot pink polished nails and whispered, “Lets dance.”

So, to all you precious first born’s out there.... thank you, on this Mother’s Day, for teaching us mama’s significantly, extravagantly, immeasurably more than we could have ever been taught without you.

There is no other, in all the world, who we’d rather dance through life with... than you.